The Big Hole

This is ninja’s wife, I guess it’s my turn. I haven’t written here in several months since I had weight loss surgery in January and have been preoccupied with the recovery and such. Things are about the same between us, some days are better than others. Communication is still a really big problem, we just started with a marriage counselor this week and we think we are going to like her, we tried marriage counseling last fall and it went pretty well, we stopped going because the counselor said we were doing better, this was right before the ninja’s diagnosis at the end of October. She started to see him on his own and this past February had me start coming back since things aren’t going well here. But the two times we went together she won’t work with us as a couple and then she said the comment that upset him so that made our minds up, neither of us were returning to her. The ninja will be starting with his own new counselor on Monday. So I am hoping a combination of a new marriage counselor and a new individual counselor for him will help us both. I don’t want a divorce, I’m not really into that, but at the same time I don’t like living in an environment where my spouse no longer speaks with me. He tells me he still loves me but hasn’t shown it in a long time, I’m lucky to get a conversation anymore. I hope counseling can help us fix and fill the big hole.

The Vyvanse medication seems to help a little, at least more than the Provigil did. I hope that they find a dosage that works the best for him. When he went to his appointment a few weeks ago he went with a list of concerns and for some odd reason he didn’t see his normal person and they didn’t even go over the concerns with him, so when he goes again in a few weeks the list will go with him.

2013 is the year of re-making me, I hope that ninja will be able to remake himself this year also. Each day that passes it seems like we grow apart a little more. We just don’t talk or do anything, he says he doesn’t know what to say to me, it hurts me because it hasn’t always been like this. We’ve been together over 9 years and only the past year after his bad car accident in January 2012 did we start to go apart. Like I’ve said before, I know he’s in there somewhere, I just hope he comes out soon.

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Medication Increases and Neuropsych Evals

I went to my Neurologist last Monday and got my Vyvanse increased to 30mg. I had noticed some improvement from the 20mg so I am going to keep getting it increased to I find the right dosage. I have been taking the 30 for a few days and am already noticing a difference. Sadly, I wasn’t able to see the doctor or the nurse practitioner I usually see but I was able to get the report from my neuropsych evaluation.

Most of the stuff in the report was stuff that I already knew, like that I had ADD with memory and attention problems. The one thing that bothered me about it was my IQ score, I got a score of 93 which is close to below average. I know that this can’t possibly be correct, I got a 4.0 in graduate school. Actually I got a 4.0 without studying or really trying very hard, and I passed the certification for my counseling license in the same fashion, I never even opened my textbooks, I returned all of them in mint condition because I never even touched them. I’m not bragging, I am just pointing out that there is no way that these IQ tests are accurate. I graduated less than 4 years ago, there is no way my IQ could have deteriorated that much since then. I don’t feel that these tests are accurate testers of intelligence for people with narcolepsy and attention problems. I took these tests at 8:00 in the morning without the aid of caffeine or medication so it really isn’t a shock that my score was so low.

I went to my counselor with these results, she looked them over and said to me: “It says you have lower than average intelligence, but we already knew that”. Needless to say I am not going back to her office and am currently looking for a new counselor. That was totally unprofessional and if she believes that I am lacking in intelligence she clearly hasn’t learned anything about me in the past several months I have been going to her. It aggravates me that people think you’re stupid because you have a neurological disorder. Even if it appears that way, that is not something you tell someone who is going to you for guidance and help with psychological issues.

Also, there was one weird result from the testing that I think is worth pointing out. During the test they measured my dexterity with both hands and I scored below average with both. I am right handed and somehow I scored slightly better with my left hand in dexterity. I have noticed that in the last several months I have had some trouble with opening jars and doing other things that require fine motor skills. My handwriting has never been good but appears to be getting sloppier, and sometimes I drop things. I don’t know if it has anything to do with cataplexy or not but I just thought it was kind of weird. Wonder if anyone else has similar problems.